The worst dilemmas are not the grandiose, what-am-I-going-to-do-with-the-rest-of-my-life types of problems. The worst dilemmas are those that hit a little closer to home. Three variables must be present to make them the worst type of anxiety-inducing situations: 1) they involve people you care about 2) they force you to let one person or group of people down & 3) there are time pressures involved causing you to have to make a quick decision. They involve an immediate, guttural response of panic, unease, apprehension and anxiety. And, if you’re like me or the 40 million other Americans who struggle with an anxiety disorder, it’s these unexpected, daily curveballs that really get us worked up.
As a people pleaser, I often find myself rendered almost completely helpless by the paralyzing anxiety associated with having to choose between multiple, conflicting options of social activities. Now, I feel like I need to make a disclaimer now so that you don’t immediately scoff at this post, roll your eyes, and say “Pssh, he doesn’t even have that many friends and is just trying to sound cool.” You’re right, I really don’t have that many friends and realize that now more than ever as I recently moved to a new city. Finding new friends is really hard. But, it only takes having two or three groups of people who you really care about and who don’t hang in the same circles to make this dilemma a reality. I’m the type of person who enjoys the company of different types of people who don’t necessarily enjoy the company of different types of people. So, all it takes is for one group to suggest having a board game night and the other to recommend a night of frolicking and frivolity to make this dilemma a reality.
So, now that I’ve cleared up that I’m really not that popular and you can hopefully read this without disregarding everything I have to say, I want to share a simulated experience that captures all of the emotional peaks and valleys that come along with making one of these seemingly life altering decisions.
Step 1: Phone rings. Or wait, sorry, I want this to be as realistic as possible. Phone vibrates due to an incoming iMessage. No one calls anyone anymore. What was I thinking?
Step 2: Read iMessage. “Anyone up to anything tonight?” “Oh great,” I think. “I was hoping to do something tonight.” Current emotion: excitement.
Step 3: Reply. “No plans yet! Anyone want to go ….” Another text from a different group pops up on the screen. I only need to read the first few words at the top without opening up the entire message to know that I’m in trouble: “Hey party peeps! Come to…” I’m paralyzed. I don’t even want to open the whole message. Maybe if I pretend my phone malfunctioned and I didn’t get the second text I can explain things tomorrow and ask to do something with them then. I did just spill Coke all over my phone a week ago and told everyone about it… Very plausible explanation. Current emotion: apprehension.
Step 4: The flood gates open. Before I can finish my reply to the first text four others reply in quick succession. I don’t even bother opening the full text. I can just feel all of the unbridled joy everyone else has at the prospect of what the night has in store. “I’m in!” “I’ll bring the vodka!” “No, it’s a tequila kind of night.” “Shots on shots!” Current emotion: despair.
Step 5: The holdout. I can calmly handle this if I just have a little more time to think. I’ll be okay as long as… “Zach, are you in?” Oh. My. God. The direct call-out. The one text that would render me into the fetal position. Current emotion: distraught.
Step 6: Weighing the options. I need to make a decision soon. On the one hand, I haven’t seen Josh, who will be in the first group, in over a month and I’ve been telling him we should definitely get coffee soon for weeks. On the other hand, I haven’t seen Jessica, who will be with the other group, since she got back from a year in DC and I really like her. We laugh so hard together! Why is life and making decisions so hard!? Why can’t I clone myself and have no consequences of my two selves inadvertently meeting each other like there are in the movies? I know, I’ll go over to Josh’s house to pre-game, then leave to meet up with Jessica’s group at the bar after a couple of hours. Before I leave Josh’s, I’ll drop hints as to what bar Josh’s group should go to and then magically when the two groups collide they will become fast friends with me in the middle singing “Ceeeeelebrate good times!” and I will never have this dilemma again. But wait, that won’t work because Julie and Monica absolutely despise each other and each one thinks I’m way better friends with her and if either sees me laughing or joking with the other she will almost surely smack me across the face and scream at me like Marie screamed at Skylar on Breaking Bad last Sunday. Luckily, I don’t have a daughter for her to try to steal or she would surely do that too. AH! This is impossible! Current emotion: inconsolable.
Step 7: Throwing in the towel. “Hey guys, I’m not feeling so well. Let me know what you’re up to tomorrow!” Same text to both groups. I crawl in bed and bury my face in the pillows. I don’t weep. But I could if I wanted to. Current state of mind: idiocy.
Listen people. If you’ve ever gone through something even remotely similar, I need to tell you to KNOCK IT OFF! It is okay to simply tell one group “Sorry, I already have plans!” and meet up with them soon. Hopefully you will not miss out on the greatest night ever and live to regret making the wrong decision for your entire life. If the group you don’t choose to meet up with has way more fun, so be it. You should have been more fun with the group you were with. You’ll just have to make up for it next time. Seeing some human beings and living life is better than being a recluse. Don’t sweat it. If you have trouble choosing, just go with the first group that reached out. Then, you take charge and make the plans for the other group next time. Everything will be okay. And remember, we’re all trying our best. Cut yourself some slack.
We're All Trying Our Best 